What The Buck Is This?
by Hellfilly Deluxe
Summary: Something's wrong with alternate-universe-human-Rarity. But what could it be? You decide! Rated "M" for all the genitals and sexual references and because it's basically what to expect from "uniVerses".


**A/N: Before the story begins, let's take a brief moment to go over the universe featured in this story: There's the normal universe (Applejack, Twilight), the human universe (Rachel, Tara, Diane) and anthro universe (Sunset Shimmer). There are two universes mentioned, Japanese and male, based off of _Bed-Ridden_ and R63 respectively. Got all that? Good. Here's a nonsense story:**

**WHAT THE BUCK IS THIS?  
****What you can expect from _uniVerses  
_****Written by Hellfilly Deluxe  
****A parody of this story I forget the name of**

"Hey, alternate universe Rarity," Applejack said, trotting up to Rachel.

"It's Rachel..." Rachel muttered. She was sitting on a bench, hands in her lap and shifting around uncomfortably.

"Is sumthin' wrong?" Applejack asked, sitting next to Rachel. "Yah look awful nervous."

"It's nothing," Rachel replied quickly. "It's just, these... These pony benches are a lot different then the ones... Then the ones I'm used to."

"Ah see yah got sum high expectations," Applejack noted.

"Right on sister," came a voice sounding an awful lot like Applejack's. To be more specific, AJ (but kinda muffled).

"The buck...? Is AJ sumwhere 'round here?" Applejack asked.

"What? No, that's crazy!" Rachel said, laughing in a nervous manner. "AJ should be back at your farm place, whatever it's called."

"Ah don't believe yah," Applejack deadpanned. "Now, tell me, what's wrong with yah?"

Before Rachel had a chance to say anything, Tara suddenly spoke up, saying, "You wouldn't believe her if she told you."

"I told you to shut up!" Rachel hissed at her chest before turning back to Applejack, smiling sheepishly.

"Yer talkin' to yer boobs... Seriously, what the buck is going on?"

"Yah heard Tara," AJ's voice replied in that ol' Southern drawl. "This $#!t be crazy."

"Um... If you'll excuse me just a few moments," Rachel said, getting up and hurriedly making her way to a spot where she was sure Applejack couldn't hear her. Once there, she immediately got into a heated, yet hushed, argument with her front and behind.

Ten minutes later, Rachel came back. "Did you hear anything?" she muttered in a fast sort of voice.

"No, but ah say yeh arguing with yer breasts and ass," Applejack answered. "Are yeh going crazy or sumthin'? Do all humans do this on March 20th?"

"They do not, actually," Sunset Shimmer said, leaning on the back of the bench. "I think this one's just crazy."

"I asked if humans did this," Applejack told Sunset, "not if anthro ponies did this."

"Oh, here we go again with the 'having yellow skin isn't human' BS!" Sunset exclaimed. "Look, the problem here is that you don't known anything about humans, so how do you know if this is really what they look like?"

"Because there's a human sitting right next to me," Applejack argued.

"Please; she's so white, she might as well be the Rarity from that universe," Sunset retorted.

"And from the way I've heard Twilight talking about them, the chest is almost as big as this," Tara's voice agreed.

"But the rear? Not as big," AJ's voice added.

"See, her rack and ass agree with me," Sunset told Applejack, sounding triumphant. A few seconds later, her mind registered what she just said. "Wait... Her rack and ass agree with me. Why the f&*# are your rack and ass agreeing with me?"

"First she complains that it's too huge, now it's too small," Rachel mouthed to herself, before turning to Applejack and Sunset's curiously confused glances, Rachel herself regaining that sheepish smile from earlier. "Hey, here's a thought, maybe you two are going crazy and I'm the sane one here. Ever thought of that?"

"That is a possibility..." Applejack mused.

"But, by that same logic, you're crazy, too," Sunset pointed out. As Rachel's sheepish grin turned to a confused/worried look, Sunset explained, "Oh, yeah, I saw you talking to yourself. Calling us the only insane ones while that $#!t goes on. What kind of f *#ing idiots do you take us for?"

"N-no, I-I didn't mean that all!" Rachel said. "I mean, what I meant was-"

"Hey, Rachel, mind gettin' up again? Ah know yer in the middle of sumthin' right now, but ah'm runnin' outta air down here."

"...So you meant that?" Sunset inquired, a teasing tone sprinkled over the four words like those ice cream sprinkles I never really get.

"No, not at all!" Rachel snapped, getting up and blushing hard. "I'm going now, so I will see both of you-"

"Hey, Rachel, I found a spell to reverse what I did last night," Twilight, coming up to Rachel with a book hovering in front of her, said happily. She stopped in her tracks when she saw that Applejack and Sunset Shimmer were there. "Oh, hello. I didn't see you there..." She paused for a few moments before adding, "You're probably wondering what's going on."

"Don't tell them, Twilight," Rachel begged. "Please. Don't!"

"You know Pinkie's policy on keeping secrets," Twilight reminded Rachel.

"Yeah, I've heard about that, too," Tara's voice came up. "Just tell them."

"You seem to be embarrassed enough as it is," Twilight continued. "Do you really want to add death onto that, too?"

"Speaking of death, ah'm being confused to it!" Applejack yelled. "Just tell us what the buck is goin' on!"

"Fine," Rachel huffed, her blush growing even ready. "Last night, me, AJ, Twilight, her alternate universe counterparts and this mare named Vinyl were all at Twilight's library and Vinyl whoever somehow convinced us to start drinking and during all the drunken confusion, Twilight turned AJ and Tara into... Into..."

"A pair of panties and a bra, respectively," Twilight said for Rachel.

"Thank you," Rachel muttered before continuing: "For some reason, I put them on and when everybody sobered up, Twilight starting looking for a spell to reverse all this."

"What confuses me the most is why yer here," Applejack stated, Sunset laughing too hard to comment.

"I don't know," Rachel whimpered miserably, putting her face in her hands.

"Well, ah can see how awkward that would be," Applejack commented. "Ah guess ah'll just leave you two to sort it out."

"Wait, Applejack, can I ask you a question for you leave?" Twilight asked as Applejack got up.

"Sure. Fire away."

"Does it count as incest if you screw a Japanese version of yourself?"

"Oh, buck, Twilight," Applejack groaned. "Jus' because ah seem Southern, doesn't mean ah'm a hillbilly or anythin'!"

"W-well, I'm sorry, FrIeNd" Twilight said. "I just wanted t-t-"

"However," Applejack continued, "it depends on if the DNA structure is the same or not. Ah'm not a total genius on genetics or anythin', but ah can tell you for certain that yah might wanna get yer DNA tested, see how similar it is. Aside from that, ah got nothin'. In fact, it may not even be right at all." With that, Applejack got up and left, dragging Sunset with her by the hair.

Rachel turned to Twilight, trying her hardest to look sad.

"Look on the bright side," Twilight tried to reassure Rachel, "at least I didn't tell them what happened to Diane."

"..." Rachel didn't say anything for a moment. She just stood there and somehow blushed even harder.

"Time of the month?" Twilight asked.

"Diane's going to hate me," Rachel murmured in reply, holding the sides of her arms.

"Hey, if I know Pinkie, she'll forgive you," Twilight told Rachel. "Now, c'mon, let's go..."

**A/N: Let me you tell you, I felt so awkward typing those two words. All the synonyms for Rachel's chest and ass? Fine. Those two words? Can't even look at the screen when I type them! But anyways, bonum nocte et fortuna.**


End file.
